Not another post-birthday entry.It just I wanted to write about something that everyone have inside. Inspired by the laugh and abundant joy surrounded with close friends. How wonderful it is to have great people around.
It happen that I woke up in the middle of one night and staring to myself.Looking deep into my reflection. I have grown up,so much grown up.I am not the pampered boy that mom's need to tell to do this to do that,dad's does not have to comb my hair before leaving the house.Looking to my own reflection,I am not that boy anymore.I comb hair on my own.I decide my own decision.I bear the consequences on my own.No matter how much hurt the pain.It is all by myself now.Mom is not besides me to decide what to wear.I do the laundry on my own.
Years pass by.I manage to survive on my own.Everything is done o my own.But still mom know best.Early morning call just to make sure I am wake up or just to inform me that it is Sunday and I must know where am I suppose to be in that hour.Yes mom!
I know that I have to shift life,slowly from mom's little boy to mom's big boy.Raised with 6 other siblings,and the 4th child of the family,makes me realize that there is big responsibility I have to bear.Not just being the role-model to my other brothers but to give the best to the family and taking a good care of everyone is the ultimate goal in life,as I aware of now.
That is physically seen.The point that I knew I am not her boy anymore when the subject discussed inside the phone is also a little different. Back in Matriculation year, mom will call just to asked about allowance,laundry,food,study,health,bla-bla...all those stuff that mom will not let boy do on his own.And I am 19++ now,different matter is asked by her.Yes she still asked about those thing.But the conversation is more serious and she will ask if I am Okay or not.How is the relationship with your friends,have you dating someone.
see..how is the paradigm shifting.
To her we will never becomes a man,or big boy.Everyone is still her little old boy in her eyes.Masih di bawah ketiak ibu.But,I myslef that realised on my own that I have grown up.
Big boy not just have to worry about laundry or health or food or allowance anymore.He have to take a good care of how is his relationship with his friends,
mind his words when talking to people,
how to with people
how to be a good boyfriend
how to seek for help from elder people in a polite manner,
how to remain silent when deep inside feels like disatisfied.
how to blog and make sure no one will get hurt.
how to make excuses when unaccidentally late.
how to fake smile when proposal is rejected
how to politely resist others invitation
how to say NO to friends when busy.
That is just a few to say the least.More to come as I grow older.Everyday I know that I am growing older.Scientifically say that at this point I am almost stop growing.But,the feeling or emotional life is expanding.More and more people will come and go in life.In different shapes and sizes.From every different walks of life.With their own history.
And when I hurt by them.And I learn my lesson.That is when I know that I am grown up.It does not come often.My friends hurt everyday,they learn.And I hope they grow up from that.I seldom hurt,but when I get hurt,it kills me deeply.And I learn great lesson from that.I grow.
Few times I fall for someone.Some gives positive reaction.But,when I realized that I am involved in a wrong relationship,or when I suddenly realized that I am standing in the middle of two lovebirds,then I learn my lesson.I have to back off myself.And even if I fight for my own feeling,I might be letting someone suffer for the rest of that person life.There I have it,I have my lesson.
Maybe mom's lifetime philosophy is undeniably true.She believes that no matter how hard,never ever do something bad.Anything that you do,never take revenge.Don't even think of it.Because she believes that everyone that doing good is already awarded by Him.
"Tiyu do jetei menak to,ai ingat do jetei menak to. Jiak bareng to unan do. Sabar bareng to unan linow. Duang melawan asin do menak. Nyuk ein nyaan mare to"
transalation (agak-agak la) :
"Biar beribu kali orang buat jahat kepada kita
Sentiasa berbuat baik dengan orang lain.
Sabar dengan semua orang
Jangan sesekali melawan kalau dianiayai
kerana Dia memerhatikan kita. "
Ok,now you know why Otit never lose his temper ,kan.If I did,it still not a blast.I know that I can opt to lose temper.But I don't want to.Many of my friends upset this attitude of mine.It is ok.
They will understand by time.I know people that is manipulating others or so.But it is ok for me.I am sure that I have nothing to lose when I chose to be this way.Lagi pun , kalau get hurt pun,I hurt,I learn lesson,and I grow up...
Since final exam is burdening everyone now.Wishing all the best for everyone.Close friends,open friends,Special Friends,Bloggers,Blog readers,Silent Blog readers or anyone that know me.
There is something from the past that I wanted to share with here.Back in high school we just read or memorize this poem for the sake of passing the SPM.But now,yes,as mom's little boy grown up and become big boy..the poem is not just to pass the exam.It means more.
Read those wonderful and inspiring words carefully,feels them and let them touches your deepest heart.
~If~
Rudyard Kipling
Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies
Or being hated, don't give way to hating
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise
If you can dream and not make dreams your master
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
If all men count with you, but none too much
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it
And which is more, you'll be a Man, my son!
p/s : aren't they just wonderful.Are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies
Or being hated, don't give way to hating
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise
If you can dream and not make dreams your master
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings, nor lose the common touch
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
If all men count with you, but none too much
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it
And which is more, you'll be a Man, my son!
